Autism Sucks

I had an experience the other day that I just can't stop thinking about.  Not everyone knows our autism journey, and I'm sure some people look at my son and his behavior and probably think "what a brat".  Other people have seen how far he's come and everything we do to try to help him and know what a great kid he really is.  Our life with autism has changed over the years.  Some things have gotten better while others have gotten worse.  It's a constant struggle but a fight I will never give up on.

Shortly after he turned 4, our son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (a high functioning form of autism).  It didn't really come as a surprise to us as we had been doing some research since things didn't seem quite right.  Back then, there were a lot of social issues.  He had extreme difficultly entering a classroom setting such as storytime at the library or his church primary class.  It was like those old cartoons where they try to give the cat a bath and the cat has it's legs stretched out and just won't go in.  There were other things like lack of eye contact and not playing with others.  And because of his inability to understand and communicate his feelings, he did the only thing that he could, he ran.  It was classic escape/avoidance behavior.  If there is something he doesn't like, he escapes to avoid the situation or task.  When he was little this would mean running away, but now that he is older, he is much more manipulative.  He tries to talk or argue his way out of a situation.  And believe me, all that negative talk and arguing can be just as draining as chasing after a child.  This is the part of our autism journey that sucks right now.  But like other hard things my son has overcome, I know he can overcome this too.

As my son has received therapy and gone to numerous social skills classes, and we've read book upon book about how to best help him, his social skills have definitely improved.  He is now able to not only enter a classroom, but to sit next to other children and give presentations in front of the class.  He is friendly, helpful and a natural born leader.  However, these qualities are not always present, especially when he has to do something 'non preferred'.  When he is uncomfortable or anxious about a situation, he can become disobedient, disrespectful and an all around rude guy.  He will argue, call names and complain in order to avoid the situation or task.  Simple, direct orders are best in these situations, as well as don't argue back -that will just escalate things.  Most of the time when this happens at home (and it pretty much happens every day, sometimes multiple times a day) we have him take a time out in his room.  Removing him from the situation and giving him the time needed to calm down is what works for him/us.  This is not always possible when we are away from home or he is with people who have not been trained on what works for his behaviors.

 The other day my son was acting out because he was in an uncomfortable situation away from home with someone who didn't know him.  I was made aware of his negative behaviors and how it wasn't right.  My initial reaction was "I can't believe my son treated someone this way", and I felt like a bad parent.  I quickly got over that and felt bad the person had to experience this side of him.  I briefly explained he had autism which made me feel like I was using autism as an excuse to justify his negative behaviors.  I'm not saying what he does is OK.  There are consequences to his behaviors.  However, when he is triggered or put into a situation that will lead to those behaviors, he really can't help it.  He has a disability, he is unable to regulate certain aspects of himself, he doesn't think like most people and we should take that into account when dealing with him.  You wouldn't punish a blind person for not being able to see, so why punish an autistic person for their autistic behaviors.  It is a teaching moment.  We hope that by explaining to others and him that what he did was not appropriate, that everyone can learn.

Some people have no experience with autism, they don't know the daily struggles the child and parents face.  I'm lucky enough to have several friends who can relate to what we go through as well as friends who aren't on their own autism journey but are compassionate and sympathetic to our struggles.  Sharing our struggles and voicing my thoughts is therapeutic for me.  It's not just the child with autism that can benefit from therapy.  Autism affects the whole family and the whole family needs to find effective ways to deal with it.

Over the years, I've become more and more open about our struggles and successes with autism.  I love connecting with people going through a similar journey and would be happy to discuss our journey with you.  Feel free to contact me in the comments or through Facebook if you'd like to talk.

Oh, and I just want to clarify that not everything my son does is a results of his having autism.  Some of his behaviors are regular sibling rivalry or not wanting to do chores like any other kid.  It's hard to tell the difference, and either way there are consequences and things to be learned.   

 

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Chores For A 2 Year Old

My older two kids are in school all day so most of the time it's just me and the Babes at home.  So by default she becomes my housework helper.  She's at the age where she loves to help anyway, and I'm not one to say no to help, especially when I want her to help.  

But what chores can a two year old do?  

Granted a lot of things aren't helpful, like when she helps me fold laundry by unfolding and handing me the pieces I've already neatly folded.   And some things take longer when she helps, but getting her into the habit of helping is important, so I'm willing to take the extra time, and re-do her work when necessary.  

Here are 3 ways my 2 yr old likes to help:

1.  Dishes

2.  Laundry

3.  Groceries

1.  Dishes

One thing she begs me to do is put away the dishes.  While I don't let her grab the glass cups and ceramic bowls, I have found her to be helpful in putting away the utensils.  I set the utensil rack on the counter, pull up a chair for her to sit on and open the drawer.  She does the rest.

It's also a great way for her to practice her matching skills.

Thrifty Finds

Wednesday I did my very first guest post for the Inspiration Cafe.  If you missed it, you can check it out HERE.

Also you can now follow me via Facebook and Twitter to get the latest blog posts and more.  Just click the buttons on the right sidebar.  Thanks.


I love to get a good deal.  Who doesn't, right?
And I'm not just thrifty with my money, I'm thrifty with my time too.  Like the other day when I had to go to the library because I had reached my maximum allowed renewals.  You see, I like to renew things as many times as possible so I don't have to make an extra trip out somewhere.  We live about the same distance from two different libraries although the one I had to go to is the more out of the way one.   The libraries are in two different counties and when one library doesn't have the book or movie I want, the other one usually does, so that's helpful.  By the way, the movie I checked out was a training seminar by Jed Baker called Social Skills Training and Frustration Management.  It was pretty good and I recommend it for anyone dealing with kids on the autism spectrum.  I've read several of his books and like those too.

Anyway, since I had to return this movie, I thought I'd run a few errands while I was out that way.  I had been filling up a bag for donations, so I thought I'd stop by a thrift store to drop them off.  I've never been to this particular thrift store so I was hoping to find some cool stuff.

I've read on other blogs where they go to a thrift store and find some "diamond in the rough".  They transform an ugly piece of furniture or picture into a cute piece of art with a little DIY and creativity.  I was hoping to find something similar, but after meticulously looking at every single thing in the store, I couldn't find anything worthy of a transformation.  So I started looking at clothes.  I was hoping to find something for myself but it was the Spencinator who lucked out.

I found a Calvin Klein dress shirt that looks like it was never worn, for $5.50.  It is a cotton sateen blend.  It is so soft, which is just how he likes his clothes.  I also found a Boy Scout shirt for $2.50 - those things are like $25 - $30 new, and he'll be needing one next year when he becomes a Boy Scout.   It had a couple of patches on it but they were sewn on and easy to remove.

I was very pleased with my purchases and glad to get rid of two garbage bags full of stuff.  As for how I keep track of what I donate (for tax purposes), I'll be writing another post about that soon.


What bargains have you scored at a thrift store lately?

Thanks for stopping by,
Christa

Autism or the Terrible Two's

Having one child with autism (Asperger's to be exact), has made us overly sensitive and aware of the signs and symptoms.

And just because a child likes to spin, or is obsessed with Thomas the Train (I mean what 3 yr old boy isn't) doesn't mean they are autistic.   Adding up enough of the symptoms however, and then it's time to discuss with your child's doctor.

Back when the Spencinator was little, there was no autism screening.  Fast forward 8 years later and the Babes had an autism screening at her 18 month check up and will get another one at her 2 year check up.

We didn't answer 'yes' to enough of the questions for the doctor to be concerned, but my husband and I were already seeing some signs so we were and still are concerned.  The interesting thing is that if I had to answer those same questions about my son at that age, I would have answered them the same and he IS diagnosed with autism.

Here is an early autism screening questionnaire I found online that seems most like the questions I was asked:

1.  Does your child enjoy being swung, bounced on your knee, etc.? 

2.  Does your child take an interest in other children?  

3.  Does your child like climbing on things, such as up stairs? 

4.  Does your child enjoy playing peek-a-boo/hide-and-seek? 

5.  Does your child ever pretend, for example, to talk on the phone or take care of a doll or  

pretend other things?

6.  Does your child ever use his/her index finger to point, to ask for something? 

7.  Does your child ever use his/her index finger to point, to indicate interest in something?  

8.  Can your child play properly with small toys (e.g. cars or blocks) without just  

mouthing, fiddling, or dropping them?

9.  Does your child ever bring objects over to you (parent) to show you something?  

10.Does your child look you in the eye for more than a second or two?  

11.Does your child ever seem oversensitive to noise? (e.g., plugging ears)  

12.Does your child smile in response to your face or your smile?  

13.Does your child imitate you? (e.g., you make a face-will your child imitate it?)  

14.Does your child respond to his/her name when you call?  

15.If you point at a toy across the room, does your child look at it?  

16.Does your child walk?  

17.Does your child look at things you are looking at?  

18.Does your child make unusual finger movements near his/her face?  

19.Does your child try to attract your attention to his/her own activity?

20.Have you ever wondered if your child is deaf?  

21.Does your child understand what people say?  

22.Does your child sometimes stare at nothing or wander with no purpose?  

23.Does your child look at your face to check your reaction when faced with  

something unfamiliar?

The instructions for this screening state that
"Children who fail 3 or more items total or 2 or more critical items (particularly if these scores remain
elevated after the follow-up interview) should be referred for diagnostic evaluation by a specialist trained
to evaluate ASD in very young children."

Take the following questions that were part of the autism screening I mentioned above:
1. Does your child enjoy being swung, bounced on your knee, etc.?
3. Does your child like climbing on things, such as up stairs?
I think most parents of boys would answer 'yes' to these questions, but that doesn't mean those boys are autistic.

And what about this question:
2. Does your child take an interest in other children?
Parents of an overly shy child might answer no, but that doesn't mean the child is autistic.


With the increase in autism, these screenings are used as a tool to get qualifying children the help they need as soon or as young as possible.  I am a big believer in early intervention, and the sooner you can help your child (and stop blaming yourself for being a bad parent because of their behavior), the better.

I also think it is harder to diagnose autism or Asperger's when the child is higher functioning.  The symptoms aren't as apparent or can easily be explained away at that age.  But when you child is 5 or 6 and still throwing temper tantrums, which you later learn are meltdowns that he can't control, you know it's more than being a brat or spoiled or acting like a baby.  You quickly learn that the typical methods of parenting aren't going to work for you.  Hopefully you find resources, programs, books, and friends that can help you, but most times it is trial and error.  And just because something works for your first child with autism doesn't mean it'll work for the second one since autism can present itself so differently with each child.

Other autistic behaviors not mentioned in the screening mimic the terrible two's such as:
- an unwillingness to share
- tantrums when things don't go their way
- trying to control a situation or another person
- rigidity, an unwillingness to change, wanting things to stay the same
- obsessed with a particular object (favorite toy or blanket)
-sensory issues such as not wanting to touch certain fabrics/materials

So it's a wait and see game and in the meantime we love and teach our children no matter what behaviors they exhibit.

Anyone else have a child with autism?  Did you know something was 'different', or were you clueless or in denial when the symptoms were pointed out to you?

Things were (and still are) difficult with our son.  When he was diagnosed we didn't know much about autism and had never heard of Asperger's.  When we started reading about it, everything made sense and I felt a bit of a relief.  I wasn't a bad mom, he wasn't a bad kid.  We could now get the help we needed to teach him how to behavior appropriately since the 'typical' parenting books weren't working.

Mom's Summer School

As I mentioned in this post, I try to have the kids do something educational each day.  They have termed it "Mom's summer school".   My goal is just to keep them in the habit of doing school work and to keep their minds sharp.  We try to do this everyday, but some days we are busy with camps or they are playing with friends so I let them skip.

All I really want them to do is some math and reading.  I figure the social studies and science part of learning is something that gets snuck in without them ever knowing.  For example we discuss social studies when we talk about the presidential election, or the different cultures of the people we see.  I don't even have to plan this, I just wait for them to bring something up and then I turn it into an educational lesson.

As for science, I have a couple of science activities like a crystal making kit, or we play with magnets, or do some sort of experiment like making candles where we discuss solid, liquid and gas.  Science lessons require some planning but I never present it as part of our school work.  I just say, 'hey, let's make crystals today'.  Or they are already playing with magnets and I talk about polarity and we see what is magnetic and what's not.  I'll even get a book about the thing we're doing and read it to them so they can learn more about it.  I have a science degree so this stuff is fun for me.  Does that make me a nerd or what?

As for reading, both of the kids love to read so I don't even have to ask them to do this.  Sweetie Pie has been staying up late, like 10pm late, and reading book after book after book.  She loves the Rainbow Magic Fairy books, and we have quite a collection, plus we get more from the library.  She reads a couple of those a night.  The Spencinator likes to read too and can get quite engrossed in a book.  We went to the playground last week and he was really into a book and didn't want to put it down.

Now getting them to do their math work is another story, especially when it comes to motivating a kid with autism.

Sweetie Pie (who will be going into second grade) is the easy one because she pretty much does whatever I tell her and needs little to no motivation for doing it.  I have some math workbooks (that I picked up at a garage sale) and her teacher sent home a summer work packet at the end of school.  I let her choose to do a page from her math workbook or the summer work packet.  She usually does two or three pages just because she finds it to be so much fun.  If she ever does give me attitude about doing her work, I can usually motivate her by saying I'll read her a story afterward or she can earn a Pokemon card for doing a page of math.

Yes, I have my own collection of Pokemon cards (something I picked up at a garage sale - can you tell I love garage sales).  Ever since some school friends gave my kids Pokemon cards, they have been really into collecting them.  Every kid in the neighborhood has some so they are always trading and organizing their cards.  Right now, earning new ones is a strong motivator for them.  And when I find something to motivate the Spencinator, I will use it for all it's worth.  As with most kids on the autism spectrum, they have to be motivated to do non preferred activities.  And schoolwork, especially math, is a non preferred activity for him.  Along with giving him a reward for completing his work, I wait for him to tell me that he wants to do something like play a video game or play with a friend.  I then use that as an additional motivator.  I tell him that his school work needs to be done first.  All I'm asking for him to do is one page of a math worksheet or some flash cards with me, just to help him memorize simple math facts.  He knows he has to do math before the fun stuff and while he will argue about doing it, eventually he wants to do the fun stuff so much, he'll buckle down and get the math done.


So this is how things have been going so far, and it's working for us.
Do you have 'summer school' with your kids?
How do you motivate them?

Laundry Tips

I can never sit back and relax.  I've got to make things difficult for myself.  A couple of months ago, I decided that this summer would be the summer to teach my 7 and 9 year olds to do laundry.   Why now and not next year, I don't know, maybe because I'm just tired of doing it.

They've helped me with laundry before, but this time, I want to train them to be able to sort, wash, and dry on their own.  I'll still help with the folding as I prefer my clothes not to be a big wrinkly mess.

Sweetie Pie is the easy one.  I can get her to do anything, she is always willing to please.  Most times I don't even have to bribe her.  But, the Spencinator, he's a totally different ball game.  Getting someone with autism to do a non preferred task, well, that takes a lot of motivating.   This is where his preference for a particular type of shorts/pants will be to my advantage.  He 'conveniently' ran out of the shorts he likes to wear on Monday and stated that he had nothing to wear.  I had been preparing him for this day, even before school ended, saying this summer he's going to learn to do the laundry.  So when I mentioned to him that he'll have to do a load of laundry, he didn't fight me.  I gave him some control over the situation by giving him a choice of doing lights or darks.  He choose lights.  I guided him in sorting the colors and he carried the laundry into the laundry room.

Sorry this picture is blurry, but I just had to show you this basket.  It is very similar to this one
Sterilite 12228003 Wheeled Hamper with Titanium Handles and Wheels, White
except my handle isn't retractable.  I just love this laundry basket because it has a handle and wheels.  I have even carried it one handed down the stairs with a baby in my arms.  Makes carrying laundry so much easier, especially since you can just pull it behind you - really saves your back.

I showed him how to work the dials and how much soap to put in.  He got a little help in loading the washer too.  So the first week of doing laundry went OK.  I'm hoping with each passing week the kids will do more and more of it on their own.  Meaning I'll be doing less and less of it!

And speaking of laundry, I've seen a few laundry tips on Pinterest that I thought I'd share.

Like this one about using a foil ball instead of a dryer sheet found over at:
http://junkintheirtrunk.blogspot.com/2011/10/static-cling.html


I tried this and it worked just as well as using a dryer sheet.  The types of clothing that gets static-y when I use a dryer sheet, still get static-y using a foil ball.  And I even tried 2 foil balls, and then 2 foil balls plus a dryer sheet.  For some reason my fleecy fabrics and my silky type fabrics always end up with static.  That is unless you don't fully dry them.  So now instead of using a foil ball or a dryer sheet, I don't over dry my clothes.  I'll still use an occasional dryer sheet for those static attracting fabrics, but for the rest of my laundry, I don't use dryer sheets anymore.  And no one in my family has noticed.  Even my husband who was leery about it at first hasn't noticed a difference in softness, smell, static, or anything.

And this one about using chalk to get rid of grease and oil stains: http://lifehacker.com/5539368/dry-up-grease-stains-with-plain-white-chalk?

I don't know if this works, as I haven't tried it on a new grease stain.  I neglected to read the fine print where it states that "once that stain sets, no amount of chalk will save you",  and tried it on an existing grease stain which did not come out.  So I still have my chalk ready and waiting for the next grease stain so I can put this claim to the test.


 


 Another laundry tip I haven't tried is:
using baby powder to prevent sweat stains on white shirts.

Anyone tried this?  Does it really work?

















I also haven't tried using
Dawn dishwashing liquid and Hydrogen Peroxide to remove armpit stains.

Again, anyone have luck using this technique?


Another laundry tip that I've been doing is to run the washing machine for an additional spin cycle after it is finished the regular washing cycle.  I usually do this when the load in the dryer isn't done drying yet so I can't switch the laundry.  The extra spin cycle helps to dry the clothes faster when you put them in the dryer which saves time and energy.


Any other laundry tips you guys want to share?   How do you get out set in stains?
How do you get your kids to help with laundry?



If this is your first visit to Controlling Craziness, click around and check out what else I've been up to.  Be sure to follow me using one of the options in the right side bar and feel free to share with your friends.
Thanks,
Christa

Autism Awareness

Today, Monday April 2nd is the fifth annual World Autism Awareness Day.

Having my son diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome at age 4 was a bit of a relief.  We were  having difficulty disciplining him and he was having difficulty interacting with other children.  When I was told that he thinks differently, I felt relieved.  I no longer felt like a bad parent.  Realizing that the traditional way of doing things just won't work for him made me want to find what does work.  We have been very proactive in getting our son involved in all sorts of programs and working with all sorts of personnel.  I believe it is because of this early intervention that he is so much more social and interactive.  We still have issues, sometimes HUGE issues  but I have hope for his future and love having him as part of our family.  Autism makes Spencer who he is and I love him because of it.

I just wanted to share some things that have been helpful for us.  As the saying goes, "if you've met one kid with autism, you've met one kid with autism."  Each child is different and you have to find what works for you, your child and your family.

Breakfast Was Driving Me Crazy!

That is until I changed up my morning routine.

I used to have the older kids get all ready for school (dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed) before they were allowed to have breakfast.  Sweetie Pie didn't have a problem at all.  I just woke her up and she got herself ready.  The Spencinator on the other hand was difficult to wake up, much less get dressed and brush his teeth.  I've mentioned before that he has a form of autism called Asperger's syndrome and if he doesn't want to do something, he can put up a real fight.  Since he pretty much hates school, he doesn't want to get ready for it either.  Needless to say mornings for him us are hard.  But since he always wanted breakfast, I made that his 'reward' for getting ready.   Even so, it was still a daily struggle for the Spencinator.  I'd wake him up earlier but he'd still be rushing out the door.  I'd let him sleep in, I had him wake up to an alarm, I would give him check ins every five minutes -- nothing worked and it made our mornings get off to a terrible start.  And then there was breakfast itself.  Sweetie Pie and the Spencintor would constantly bicker through breakfast and I felt like a referee.  I couldn't wait to send them off to school.

None of this affected the Babes who usually did not wake up until after the kids left for school and she got my undivided attention during breakfast.  See how happy she is about that.

 So, what did I do to save my sanity?????

Autism in the Classroom - on a good day

Found this video and just wanted to share.
For those of us with kids on the spectrum, you know there are good days and bad days.  This is a video of a high functioning child with autism or Asperger's syndrome in school.  This is what they go through - and that's on a good day with a plan that works and lots of support from teachers and aides and parents.  There are lots of people involved in these kids lives.  Whenever we go to a school meeting for our son, there is the principle, the special education coordinator, the special education teacher, the regular education teacher, the school psychologist, the autism support person, and our behavior support consultant, sometimes our TSS and MT and caseworker.  The room can get crowded.  But it is nice to know we are not dealing with this alone.  There are so many people working behind the scenes to help these kids.  We want these kids to succeed in school, in life.  It isn't easy but we do it because we love them.

A Reading Nook / Calming Closet

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I put the changing table back into The Babes closet to use as shelving.  It used to be in the Spencinator's closet which used to look like this:

I wanted to create a little quite, calming space where the Spencinator could go to relax and read.   Anyone who has a child with autism knows how important it is to have a calming space for them.
After a little rearranging, his closet now looks like this:

Trying To Get Back To Our Normal

I thought I would enjoy having the kids back to school, a quieter house, and time to get things cleaned up and organized again.  You know- get back to normal, at least what's normal for us anyways.   But the transition hasn't been going so well for the Spencinator who has Asperger's, a form of autism.   I've spent my days on the phone and going to appointments.  We've been thinking and planning and I still don't feel like we've come up with a solution, just a band-aid to deal with the latest problem.

Autism should come with a warning label, maybe something like THIS:

Lego Indiana Jones Birthday Party - part 2

 I had so much fun planning this party.  Click here for part 1 which I posted on Saturday.

When I asked the Spencinator what he wanted to do for his birthday, he said, "play Lego Indiana Jones and eat pizza".  So I planned his party around that.  We would have pizza to eat, the Lego Indiana Jones Playstation game to play, and an Indiana Jones themed treasure hunt.